I’ve always said that Life comes to teach us something, and I’d like to think that I’ve learned some great lessons along the way, but today was quite a reflective day, and the ten lessons below, though not entirely new, played over and over in my mind. Here is what I learned:
No matter the sincerity of your intentions, there’s always the possibility of being misinterpreted or misconstrued. The only thing you own is your truth.
I should not dim my light for fear of others’ feeling small. The total brilliance of this Universe depends on the light in each of us.
My life is active and full as a wife, stay-at-home mother of three precocious, active children, cook, laundress (or washerwoman, as they used to say back in the day), chauffeur, homework helper, literary champion, nutritionist, lullaby master, wardrobe composer, and part-time fitness instructor. These are just a few of the hats that I normally get to wear.
So when I went in for surgery this past Monday, I was reminded that I would have to depend on others to fill in where I cannot. This sometimes makes me feel limited and inadequate, especially as I recuperate at home, albeit slowly, at least according to my standards. Believe it or not, my mind is even more active than my body, as I am always thinking of what’s “next” on the agenda. Who needs what? What needs to be done now? Balancing the needs of the day while being prepared for what’s up ahead is something that I’m used to doing. Hence, the realization that I don’t have the luxury of doing things “my way” during this time is alarming. Nonetheless, I must keep in mind that I am not sick. Rather, I am being restored; healing; being made well. Through these lenses, I am thankful for the mental reprieve, as well as the physical rest that is necessary for this restoration. I am Grateful!
Did I expect 5K readiness straight out the gate? Of course not, but I certainly was not ready to admit that I could not carry on with “business as usual”, or to hear about the levels of healing required for “complete” wellness. On a deeper level, however, I knew that I had to trust, that in order to be fully well, I had to also give up something, even if only for part of the time. Moreover, I needed to take comfort in knowing that, I am at least in a position to get the help that I need, from Angels near and far. These friends and neighbors, surprisingly, have become a new type of family that extends beyond bloodline. They help me in a multitude of ways, especially with our children, and I fully recognize that, that in itself is a privilege. I am more than grateful…I am GreatFull!
Apparently, the road to restoration is a humbling one. Paved with personal, life-altering encounters; adorned with admissions of vulnerability and limitations; bespeckled with blessings from a newly defined community of family, neighbors, and my sistah/gal network; and decorated with dollops of delight (sweet kisses on the brow and hugs from my sweethearts, though “only on the legs” for fear of “not squeezing Mommy too hard”); it is definitely a scenic route, one well worth the journey. Despite its power to slow me down, I am pleasantly amazed by some familiar stops along the way. The sun still rises to greet me in the morning, and I am still able to usher in its light. I still get to witness the shifting winds, though I don’t get to walk in them, and I still get to marvel at the displays of new life as Spring magically sprinkles its colors in spaces that before seemed to lack life or vibrancy. I am GreatFull…Still.
“Is the world a better place with the Easter bunny?” Damn skippy, it is! 🙂
In fact, Easter for me has always been an important time, mostly because it comes at a time when new life springs forth, and what was once dormant becomes resurrected. Life resurfaces in all of nature. Flowers bloom, trees fill in with leaves and fruit, and neighbors reveal their previously hibernated smiles covered by winter scarves and hiked-up collars. So, although much of what comes with Easter seems to have a very commercial focus these days, I say “Let’s hear it for the Easter Bunny! Woohoo!”
As far as I’m concerned, the presence of the Easter Bunny is not about debating the legitimacy of Easter, or whether it’s a pagan holiday, but about making people happy. At least in this household, the Easter Bunny is all about the smiles that I see on my children’s faces when they enter the household, and find that an assortment of fun surprises await them, with accompanying, personalized notes. Though they never talk or inquire about the Easter Bunny before Easter, they’re taken off-guard every time “he” makes a visit. (I happen to know this Easter Bunny very intimately, and how much he cares about making children happier.)
Perhaps there is little excitement beforehand because we don’t talk about Easter, per se. Rather than spending time discussing religious differences or practices, we strive to teach, and live out, the commonalities that define us all, even during a highly regarded, religious holiday such as Easter. These include themes such as renewal (new life, babies, flowers, trees, more abundant sunshine), restoration (healing, repair), revival (celebration/ injection of new life), vivacity (life itself), and the audacity of life itself – its boldness to dare spring anew again after such dormancy. Even children can embrace these concepts. In this same manner, we embrace the Easter Bunny’s regularity and attentiveness to bringing smiles and contentment, ultimately creating indelible childhood memories that will last them a lifetime.
So Easter isn’t as much about candy, or even the Easter Bunny, but about the occasion itself – one for joining with families, or friends that are like family, during the earliest part of Spring, when the air is warmer, clothes are lighter, and summer fun is closer within reach. With the palpable anticipation of more outdoor fun spent with friends and family, the appreciation for life itself, seems new. So breaking bread to welcome the season and restore hearts after a long drawn-out winter seems like only the right thing to do; with family and friends…and of course, my Easter Bunny! 🙂
Every morning, I do a once-over of the children before they depart for school, and make sure they look solid. Before I consider them fully inspected, I give them that one last look from head to toe to confirm no hairs out of place; clean corners at the mouth; smooth, unbent collars; fully zipped coats; smiles all aglow; and covered necks and chests. “Child, don’t be taking no chances with this weather…can’t be coming down with a chest cold!” (Now say it in the most southern twang you can muster.) 😮 I’m beginning to sound like somebody’s grandma…probably got it from somebody’s grandma! Inspection now complete, they walk off, and I’m assured that they are all set.
Once they leave, I settle into the domestic affairs of cleaning off the table and counters, and putting away cereal boxes and orange juice. My eye catches hold of a small pile of school papers which contains unsigned permission slips and school announcements, some now moot because of past deadlines. These were all from only one of their backpacks, seemingly from a few days ago. How did I miss that? They probably snuck that past me, I thought. Darn it, I forgot to check the inside of their bags…again! It occurs to me that I haven’t personally checked the inside of their backpacks in quite some time. I’ve trusted their little growing independent selves to handle this aspect of their organization, dismissing the fact that they may need a little help along the way.
In fact, I haven’t been checking on the inside of much, as of lately. Ouch! I consider the question of how often we check on the inside. Sometimes, my steady auto-pilot feature is so engaged, that I don’t do due diligence to my total self by checking on the inside, so by all appearances, it all appears well. This small example of not checking my children’s backpacks is a microcosm of our avoidance to thoroughly check the inside, and sift through the contents of our personal selves. By all appearances, we appear well, but beneath, lies an emergent self that is steadily evolving as it navigates through life and seeks to apply the wisdom gained over the years. It busily trods through life, hoping to present itself better, stronger, more equipped for the race with each new day, yet, it is bombarded with numerous messages, of things unattended, and of stories untold.
Left unchecked, this emergent self carries its ramblings, notions, musings, thoughts, hopes, dreams, and epiphanies under wraps, sealed, to be released probably never, and most certainly, too infrequently. Occasionally however, there is a need to check its contents. A thorough inspection is required to ensure that we have what we need when we need it. We may very well need to review its contents; discard what’s no longer useful, and replenish what’s needed. In my children’s backpack, it was the announcement of the school’s new SMARTboards, a middle school parent orientation, and a May field trip (which thankfully, I will submit in time). In a broader sense, however, a review might indicate that our priorities are in need of reorganization. It might be the realization that we haven’t tended to matters of the heart. It may be the acknowledgment that we need to nurture some personal connections, rest, or are on “to-do” overload, or that our bodies are lacking some key nutrients, exercise, and quality down-time. Perhaps life has become so routine and formal, so deadline-driven; but within, we are in need of some organization, prioritization, and yes, fixation…on the inside.
Check the contents not only to find what’s missing, but to also celebrate what’s in place; what you deem most important, what you’ve insisted on carrying, what propels you. Perhaps those things are glaringly evident, indicating that you are right where you need to be. Celebrate that as well, that you may give yourself permission to occasionally mess up on those things that show up on the outside. If your personal house – your very essence, your compassion, your storehouses of love, generosity, the very inner hearkenings of your heart, talent, art, ministry, gifts – is in order, who cares what everyone else sees? Only you know the hard work that you put in to get it that way. Pack carefully, but don’t keep piling it on. Streamline often, to avoid getting bogged down by dead weight. Broom the crap, and groom the rest! Write the stories, and get it out one way or the other. Unleash the uneasiness that comes from avoiding what’s inside, and take joy in seeing it morph into tangible action. Experience the sweet joy that springs forth from releasing the pent-up frustration and seeming inability to move forward on said project, or action item. Eliminate those things that add no value to what you say is most important to you – your values, your core, your master plan! Cultivate and enhance only the keepsakes – those contents worthy of keeping – that you may rightfully grow into that beautiful beyond-emergent self, from the inside out!!
My mind reflects back to when I signed up for the Post a Day 2011 Challenge. This meant that I would literally have to hit that “Publish” button on new material every day. I publicly professed my commitment to blog daily for the personal reasons of inspiring others, honing my craft, and establishing some consistency. Now, however, I must secretly confess that while I still believe in the merits of writing on a daily basis, I am not convinced that I need to blog everything that I write. Whoever said “my life is an open book” lied! You won’t find all my business here. No siree, Bob! According to hubby dearest, not all things are “bloggable”, and he’s absolutely right. Moreover, the intention when writing can vary from day to day, and certainly from one written piece to another. Some of my non-blog writing is hugely personal, and simply necessary for my soul. As such, those writings are cathartic and provide me with the private healing space that I need versus the public domain. Hence, my need to write more relevant and meaningful material has become more salient than my need to compose a blog post on a daily basis.
I’m also learning that perhaps I am more of a “contemplative writer”, as Sue Monk Kidd refers to it in “Traveling With Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story” (Kidd & Taylor-Kidd, 2009, p. 91), the joint memoir penned with her daughter, Ann Kidd Taylor. Perhaps it is through this kind of writing that I will best reconcile these “urge(s) to create” and “to be” (ie., writing, versus being in the moment), and not lose sleep over my inability to “create” as regularly or as often as I’d like. I want to continue to ask the important questions, and share the beauty, wisdom, wit, insight, and significance that unfold with each epiphany and in the most simple of acts, and everyday moments. I’m learning that they are loaded with opportunities for reflection, introspection, and growth, and as such, they are worth sharing. So, I’m cool with the notion of being a contemplative writer, even if only for some of the time. But because I’m so invested in the vitality and authenticity of the relationships that nurture me, as well as those that require my nurturing, I’m also required to prioritize, even if it means not publishing a post on a daily basis. So steal the time, I must…no matter how infrequently… I must write…that is, if I say that I’m a writer.
Life As An Art Form 