From the time I can remember, I’ve always insisted on going against the grain. I’ve never liked doing things within the norms of tradition because that would be so predictable, plus I don’t want to create any expectations. 🙂 So I figured why wait to write about love on my wedding anniversary, which is more than a half-year away, when I can write about it on Thanksgiving or thereabouts, because after all, it is just the thing for which I am most thankful. I know…it makes complete sense to me too.
After seventeen years of being coupled and nearly fifteen years of being married, I’m still amazed at the lessons that Love teaches me. They are several, and even while many of us know them at our core, I think that these, in particular, bear repeating:
Love takes no less than everything.
Seriously, just when you think you’ve got it covered, you have to turn it up a notch or fine-tune it to keep it running like clockwork. However, unlike clockwork, it needs more than regularity and sameness. It needs spontaneity and diversity. Who enjoys taking the same route, after fifteen days, let alone seventeen years? Frequenting a different café or rendering an occasional surprise from time to time changes things up a bit. And, who knows? It might even be fun!
Love is not all about you! Don’t say I didn’t tell you.
Love takes an ongoing divestment of self, and submission of pride or haughtiness, to not constantly argue or be combative. Naturally, this is a lot easier when your significant other has a good track record of having your best interest at heart.
Love requires more than him saying “Yes, dear”.
Love also requires your voice. Say “Yes siree, Bob!” sometimes, even when you don’t mean it. Say “yeah, ok” or something along those lines, and keep it moving for Peace’s sake! Some battles just ain’t worth it, I say. There are some matters that men just won’t understand, no matter how hard you try, or how compassionate or brilliant they are…and that’s really okay. Really, it is. You can get him on the next go-round! Booya baby! 🙂
In love, intimacy means more than sex.
All joking aside, real intimacy happens when there is more than just horizontal alignment; it occurs when two people are aligned in financial and spiritual matters, including long-term goal setting, parenting (if applicable), and life dreams. That isn’t to say that we must agree on everything, but it does mean that fundamentally, our values are compatible enough to allow us to grow in meaningful and sustaining ways.
Lauryn Hill captured it best when she said, “Fantasy is what we want, but reality is what we need”. The same is true about our impressions and expectations about Love. Real love lies beyond the fantastical and far beyond the horizon of any fairy tale, so I’ll take my hubby even after our worst days, when everything feels anything but right, and certainly after I’ve realized that I can no longer remember what it is we were arguing about in the first place.
Love wasn’t designed to be perfect, static, or untested. Rather, love is ever-changing and challenging, yet remarkably beautiful and worthy of obtaining. Yes, love takes us into an orbit beyond our comprehension, and into a place for which no amount of previous navigation prepares us. It takes us to a place where our egos are suppressed, sometimes against our will; but in the long run, we emerge better for the indelible impression it makes on us.
Sorry Adele, you’re my girl and all, but I’m writing the lines this time. Sometimes it hurts in love, but somehow, it lasts instead! So, maybe I will give hubby his birthday present on Thanksgiving after all! 🙂
I’d love to hear about your love-takes, or how love has affected you in a way that you don’t mind sharing. Come on, indulge me!
More Love-takes for your listening pleasure:
- Comes Love, rendition by the late, great Lady Day aka Billie Holiday
- Love Rain, waxed poetically by the lovely Jill(y) Scott from Philly
Life As An Art Form 
Well Hey, I am still single, but it certainly gives a single woman who often feels like there is no hope for love out there a bit of hope. You are amazing!. Thank you for sharing this and yes, I will have to revisit this post to reread it in the future. 🙂 Future hope for love that is? lol
Take good care now,
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Good day, Ceez! Thanks so much for your kind words; reading this post; and, enjoying it enough to “like” it and comment. 🙂
Truth is, I wish I gleaned some of these lessons while I was still single. I had to learn quite a bit along the way. I suppose that even if someone told me, I’d still have to experience much of it firsthand; however, a little help from my older, wiser, more experienced women friends would have helped me to pick my battles more wisely, and focus more on the truly important things – the entire package rather than the flaws. We all have ’em, don’t we?!
Be Well, Ceez! Happy writing!
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Thank you again. 🙂 and well said indeed.
We must cherish the golden words sent our way.
As you said, with the experiences, we just have to learn, because
no matter what, some things can only be learnt through happening.
Life is a teacher, we are the students.
Still, the wisdom from a female friend is always expensive.
Keep blessed my dear.
Keep writing too.
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Hey there, I really enjoyed reading this article. Some things I’ve already learned and some I have not experienced yet. You certainly write wise words, things that lots of people haven’t thought about. I think it’s sad that when people mention the word “intimate” they think of sex and they don’t think of a connection between two people. I say it’s the media’s fault. I’ll even admit that as a guy, very innocent touches or simple words sent my mind a wandering down ugly avenues because of things I had witness through public media and the way they whimsically throw around sexuality.
I love that you love and that you love to love. 🙂 Me too! Although, I’m not 100% good at it. I’m a Christian, so my take on love is based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
I would say that everything you said above about love is reflected in 1 Corinthians 🙂 Love is a beautiful thing. Just one more verse… 😛 Gal 5:14 “For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” A.K.A. If we’re loving we are doing everything right! 🙂
I look forward to reading more of your posts. They are very intriguing. Thank you 🙂
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Hello Trevor,
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read “Love-takes…on Thanksgiving”. I appreciate your time, as well as your comments. I love the way you expanded the meaning of Love, and how you integrated God’s expectations of us when it comes to Love. Love is all of those things; it is also the constant that makes for meaningful living. The specific scriptures provide great guidance, and keep me grounded in Love’s affirming principles as well. Relationships steeped in these tenets can only blossom. Perhaps that’s what makes the Art of Loving so beautiful and necessary!
Thanks again for stopping by. I look forward to hearing more from you as well, all the way from Peru, no less! 🙂
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I’m still hoping to experience a cooperative, mutually fulfilling love. I want the beauty you’ve written about here to enter my life and stay. I’ll let you know if it happens.
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Lady Sparks!! Good evening! That’s a very authentic response to love, and the longing that accompanies its sometimes fleeting and trying personality. Though its nature can sometimes be characterized as stubborn, and most certainly ephemeral, I’m convinced that most of us, including the two of us, agree that it’s still a desirable “experience”.
Your writing is so brilliant and magical, Ré, that I am sure that you will capture that love story quite beautifully in words. I look forward to reading that story one day! As long as you’re writing, I will be reading. (Look, I found the accent mark!) LOL! 🙂 (That reminds me, it’s time to read “Pale Green”! I’ll comment when I’ve read it in it’s entirety.)
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I concur! Since we seem to be in similar boats here. 🙂
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“Yes, love takes us into an orbit beyond our comprehension, and into a place for which no amount of previous navigation prepares us. It takes us to a place where our egos are suppressed, sometimes against our will; but in the long run, we emerge better for the indelible impression it makes on us.”
Hurrah! That is a lesson that I did not learn until about 2 years ago. It took a significant amount of introspection and analysis to reveal this hard won truth. My current relationship, of all the ones that I’ve invested in, is the only one in which I can say that the challenges and bond have made me into a truer reflection of myself. I am a better person both within the scope of the relationship and out. I had no clue that love could do that, at least not in that way. It truly is one of the most beautiful things, ups and downs aside, to see us blossom as a result of our connection.
Beautiful piece, as always, my friend. Wishing you and yours a love filled and happy Thanksgiving.
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Buenos tarde, Coco!! Thanks for taking the time to read “Love-takes…On Thanksgiving”. Thanks for the lovely compliment as well.:) This girl is smiling. I’m glad that it resonated with you on a personal level. Love takes all that and then some, doesn’t it? It takes us through unexpected tolls, loops, twists, and turns, and then back again! It isn’t a roller coaster, per se, but more of an adventure, if we’re up for it.
I’m so happy to know that there are other souls who have discovered these gems in their own relationships. I think that despite the challenges, the lessons gained are well worth it, as they mature us in ways unimaginable.
Happy Love/ Thanksgiving Day to you and yours!
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LOVE IT! A literal masterpiece!
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Good morning Sister Val! Thanks for taking the time to read it! I’m really glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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