I sit here grieving you again.
Moments of clarity and rational thought come
But are soon stymied by your unsolicited surprise visits.
Reminders of you abound wherever I go.
The mention of your name,
Reflection on a memory,
Leaves a pit in my chest every single time.
Who are you to figure so prominently in my mind, and
What does your power to do so suggest?
Why have you come back to haunt my thoughts, and
Find new territory in my landscape?
Hours go by and I think not about you…yet
You return, darting in and out of my field of vision,
like a child trying to get away with a forbidden act this one last time.
You skirt the borders of my most empowering moments -
the ones in which I rationalize our breakup, and
perch yourself all poised-like on the ledges of the windows -
the ones through which I thought I could envision life without you.
Refusing to let me let you go,
Unforgiving and relentless in your total pursuit of me.
I am afraid…
Afraid that should I return to you, you will be no good for me.
Afraid that perhaps,
I fell too hard,
Loved too big,
Grew too joyful,
Or worse yet, made myself at home.
The teardrops are many,
Ridiculously heavy, even…
As I try to make peace of our sudden rupture.
In places that I suppose can only be refreshed by time…I suppose.